Rewind and Redo

A few months ago Jamie and I were settling into the plush seats at the theater, when the previews for coming attractions began to play. In one of the advertised movies, a man is given a remote that allows him to fast-forward, rewind, slow-mo and mute various portions of his life. I am sure that at some point or another, we have all wished for a similar contraption. Today, more than ever, I find myself longing for just that thing.

Without going into a lengthy paragraph of intensely personal details, I will share that I made a huge mistake on Sunday afternoon. I let personal insecurities and my temper override my common sense. In doing so, I hurt the one person who I care about most. Moreover, I may have seriously jeopardize the future of our relationship. For the last 24 hours, I have been replaying those moments in my mind. It is like a movie reel inside of my head - over and over again I see the moment, read the words I said - and it isn't a pretty thing.

The constant movie in my mind has forced me to examine the situation from my boyfriend perspective. I've come to see that if the roles were reversed I would feel exactly the way that he does. I messed up.... BIG TIME. I can only pray that he is willing to forgive me and move forward.

Until then, I'll keep replaying the scene and searching for the rewind button.