Monday, March 13, 2006

Rewind and Redo

A few months ago Jamie and I were settling into the plush seats at the theater, when the previews for coming attractions began to play. In one of the advertised movies, a man is given a remote that allows him to fast-forward, rewind, slow-mo and mute various portions of his life. I am sure that at some point or another, we have all wished for a similar contraption. Today, more than ever, I find myself longing for just that thing.

Without going into a lengthy paragraph of intensely personal details, I will share that I made a huge mistake on Sunday afternoon. I let personal insecurities and my temper override my common sense. In doing so, I hurt the one person who I care about most. Moreover, I may have seriously jeopardize the future of our relationship. For the last 24 hours, I have been replaying those moments in my mind. It is like a movie reel inside of my head - over and over again I see the moment, read the words I said - and it isn't a pretty thing.

The constant movie in my mind has forced me to examine the situation from my boyfriend perspective. I've come to see that if the roles were reversed I would feel exactly the way that he does. I messed up.... BIG TIME. I can only pray that he is willing to forgive me and move forward.

Until then, I'll keep replaying the scene and searching for the rewind button.


Anonymous said...

In any relationship, there will be peaks and valleys. You are in a valley now, but if the relationship is strong. a rope will be there to get you to the top of the peak. be patient anf give it time, and the rope will appear. i agree the tongue can creat havoc in one's relatiosnship with others. If you need a SHOULDER TO LEAN ON, YOU KNOW WHERE I AM

countryjacket said...

Thanks Daddy! I really needed to hear those words - and they mean even more coming from you!!