Monday, July 16, 2007

Keeping the Faith

I'm struggling right now -- a dear friend of mine has cystic fibrosis and her battle with the disease is reaching its final stages. Without a transplant, it is only a matter of time before she departs this world for a greater one. Whenever we talk, she remains upbeat, optimistic, after all she has lived 7 years longer than the average life expectancy for a C.F. patient. I'm finding it harder and harder to share her views.

I understand that death is a natural part of life - and that someone greater than myself is in control. But I find myself questioning "Why her? Why so young? Why now?". In the last year, I have lost 2 dear friends, both much to young. I'm not sure if I have the emotional reserve to go thru the grief process for a third time.

It seems selfish, she is the one battling the disease. And I'm the one screaming "It isn't fair....I don't want to have to deal with this.". I suppose that's a testament of my love for her -- I am just not ready to let her go.

So I'll keep fighting, praying for her daily, encouraging her when I can, and believing that her miracle is coming. And if God chooses a different plan than mine, I lean on my faith once more to find the strength to let go.