Monday, July 31, 2006

Redefining Normal

Over the weekend, I had the chance to spend some time with a childhood friend, as we talked and shared our memories of Jeffrey, the friend wondered if our lives would ever be "normal" again. I told her that no, our lives could not go back to the way they were just a week ago - we aren't the same people. However, we can redefine "normal" and move forward. However, moving forward is slow.

Initially, when I learned of the death of Jeffrey and Jamie's Dad, I was in denial. I remember commenting to K.D. that "I don't have time for funerals"......the statement seems shallow and selfish when I think about it.....but as K.D. said I was in denial. I didn't want to believe that I had lost a great friend, and that Jamie had lost his father. Over the past week, the denial has worn off and has been replaced with anger.

I'm angry with Jeffrey and Mr. Larry for dying, angry with myself for not keeping in contact with Jeffrey, angry at what Jamie is having to suffer thru, and just angry in general. I remember from my general pysch. class that anger is the 2nd stage of grief. So for now, I am leaving with the anger, finding my new definition of normal, and starting to move forward.