Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Making Peace with Myself

For the majority of my adult life I have struggled with my self esteem and body image. During college, the struggle reached dangerous proportions as I developed a severe eating disorder. The disorder controlled my life for nearly 3 years, until someone was willing to give me a"kick in the pants" and a "shoulder to cry on". Over the last 8 months, I have dealt with the reasons behind my issues, the reasons that I fell victim to my eating disorder. I've developed ways to combat it. There have been good days, bad days, and really horrible days. Throughout the process, I've always known there was someone for me to lean on (if i needed him).

Over the weekend I finally realized just how far I had come in the journey. Sunday night I watched the video of Barry and Jen's wedding. The happy event took place more than 9 years ago....when I was in the height of dorky stage. Previous viewings of this event left me alternating between cringing (at the bad hair and braces) and longing (for the super skinny body). Not this time. I found myself laughing at the ridiculous hairdo I sported --- how was that ever cool? And admiring how much I had grown - physically and emotionally.

Those positive thoughts carried over into the new week, when I was subjected to a body composition analysis - complete with measurements. The black and white breakdown of my body was a bit shocking. However, unlike the old Kim, I didn't beat myself up. There was no desire to starve myself, or purge all of the "bad food" I ate. Instead, I realized that my body isn't perfect....but it is a work in progress. And the harder I work, the faster the results will come.

So here I am.....committed to a more healthy me. And finally at peace with my body - past, present and future.