Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Rediscovering Me

During my sophomore year of college, 2 girlfriends and I took a road trip to watch some college baseball. While on this road trip, we had the excellent idea of asking a close guy friend to give us - "an honest assessment of how guys see us". To do this day, I am not sure why we did it - or what he told my friend. But I have not forgotten his words to me , "You are too confident. You need to tone it down a little."

Looking back, I wonder how can one be too confident? Was it because I was happy with who I was, and what I looked like? Was it because I refused to let anyone treat me with less than the respect I deserved? Or maybe it was because I did not tolerate people who could not take me as I was?

Whatever the reasons - I never thought to ask - that roadtrip would be one of the last times I really felt confident for a lengthy period of time. By the end of my sophomore year, I would have started using diet bills - in another year's time I would start down the road to bulimia. I would choose bad relationships, unhealthy habits, and spend years hating my body - and who I was as a person.

But today, after a long journey, I am finding that girl I use to be. The one who is happy with what she sees in the mirror. More importantly, she embraces who she is on the inside - and makes no excuses for the life she lives. I haven't seen that good guy friend is several years, and I can't help but wonder if he still thinks I'm too confident. But I don't care anymore. I know that I have earned to right to hold my head high - I battled back to the old me and I won't change again for anyone.